I knew, even before I delivered Ali, that things don't always go as "planned." I knew not to get my heart set on something so that I would be disappointed when it didn't go "my way"....and it certainly did NOT go "my way" with Ali! Not only did I end up having to have an emergency c-section with her, but I was knocked out for it (WITHOUT.BEING.TOLD!) and didn't even get to experience her birth! AND, they cut her cheek on top of that! NOT how I wanted to experience the birth of my first child!
This time, I was bound and determined to have the total opposite experience. I have a doctor that was willing to do a VBAC, and that's what I wanted! I DID NOT want to go through what I went through with Ali. And, although I had a fantastic recovery (other than the hugeass dog hitting me in my incision with his tail a few times!!!!) I was not going to have another major surgery! I researched it, I did my homework....I knew what the risks were and I also know what the risks are having another c-section (YES, there are risks there too!!!).
As the time went on and starting to have the issues that I've been having this pregnancy I felt that the odds were against me to have a VBAC but didn't give up hope that that's what I'd end up doing. Untill today......
I had my 34wks appointment with my doctor. He did another ultrasound to make sure that my fluid hasn't gotten any lower than the last time it was checked. It's still holding steady at the "low end of normal" scale. He wants to do a non stress test on Monday. But, the kicker....she's STILL friggin' breech!!! I knew this, I can tell....believe me, it's WAY more uncomfortable this way! I thought having a head "down there" wasn't pleasant, but having feet to KICK you in the bladder constantly is enough to make you drop to your knees and pee yourself on the way down!
Anyways, at this point she should be head down and the likelihood of her turning at this point is slim. So, I have a scheduled c-section for the week before my actual due date. I don't have a specific date yet, the schedule is apparently all booked for Feb...it's just whenever he can get me in. In the meantime, she *could* still turn down, but it's probably not going to happen.
So here I am, yet again, disappointed that things aren't going the "my way"! I'm gonna come to terms with it, I HAVE to...but it still sucks! I know that God has a plan for my baby and even a plan for her birth. I know that it's this way because it's supposed to be. But I feel so jipped! I was jipped in the experience I had with Ali's birth, and I feel like I'm being jipped out of experiencing a normal delivery.
Eh, listen to me cry! Boohoo, right!? It'll all work out, and I'll be fine with it. It's probably actually going to work out better as far as people coming out and knowing when to come out. This way we'll have everything lined up as far as someone taking care of Ali and it'll be all planned out that way.
It just sucks when things don't go your way. Other than that, her HR was fine, the fluid level hasn't gotten any lower (YAY), I do have to have the NST done.....and I totally forgot to ask how much weight I'd put on since the last time I was there! Eh, probably didn't want to know anyways! :o)
So, that's all I've got. I'm gonna make Josh take a belly picture for me tonight or tomorrow and get that up. I feel huge!
10 comments:
I'm sorry Jo. I know that is not what you wanted to hear today.
Don't give up yet! I just read that as many as 50% of pregnancies are breech up to week 32. And for second pregnancies, many babies don't engage until labor begins.
Can you ask for an attempt at an external version (where the doc attempts to manually move the baby into position)? This is apparently very uncomfortable, but if you're motivated, it could work.
I also suggest you ask your doc about doing pelvic rocks - get on hands and knees and arching and drooping your back. This is a Bradley Method to get the baby into position. You could read up on that, too. The doc may be hesitant to have you do anything - and of course I'm in no way qualified to give advice - but if you're really crushed at the idea of another c-section, it won't hurt to ask.
Good luck, Kiddo - I hope you have a better birthing experience this time around. Even if it's not what you planned, remember that a healthy baby and a healthy mommy are the end goals. You are going to do great, no matter how the bugger comes out!
I'm sorry things didn't go your way today. While all the things you said were true, it still sucks when things don't go your way!!!
Hugs!
I'm sorry to hear it doesn't sound like things are going to go as planned.
I sure hope you are able to talk to your doctor about some of Trish's suggestions - hopefully they help :-)
I have a girlfriend here who it sounds like had the same experience you are currently having. I am sooo sorry!!! There is still hope that she will turn before you are scheduled and then you may be able to have it the way you want it. But I do have to tell you....giving birth HURTS not to mention, it is unpredictable and a tad messy!!! Gosh, that sounds just like life - huh!
Anyways, I know how much you were wanting to have a VBAC and I will say a prayer that she turns soon and you are able to give it a go!
Don't forget to post a new belly picture!
I'm sorry! I know how much you wanted a VBAC. I know how you feel, kinda. I had my appointment and I'm still the same...2 cm and 75% effaced. That's what I've been for 3 weeks now! I have a feeling I'll have to be induced this time around again and I really wanted to experience going into labor on my own. It really is so frustrating when things don't go our way! But, like you said, God has a plan and it works out better in some ways (for both of us) with having it planned so people know when to come and people can take care of Ali and Cade. Anyway...I feel for ya!!
I'm so sorry that things are going your way once again. I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed that she changes last minute! Or let's look on the bright side....if you do have to have another C-Section, hopefull this time you can be awake.
GOOD LUCK!
I am so sorry. Hopefully she will surprise everyone and turn herself around. Can't wait to see your belly pic!
My heart went out to you when Amy told me this yesterday (or Wednesday - I'm not sure). I know you really wanted to have a VBAC. On the somewhat positive side, maybe with it scheduled, you won't have to be knocked out like you were last time. I completely remember everything that happened when Mackenna was born. I didn't feel them take her out but I heard them say, "happy birthday Mackenna" and saw her when they held her up and listened as they called out all her measurements and weight. I just hope that even though this next delivery might not go as you wanted that it's still an improvement from Ali's and that you might actually have some good memories from it. :o) P.S. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and well wishes with Mackenna. :o) I just feel so bad for her.
I'm so sorry you are frustrated! I hope that somehow, she'll turn head down before you have to get a schedule c-section! Fingers crossed. That's great news that your fluid is still holding out ok though, I had been worried about that. Whatever happens, as long as both you and she are healty, that's a success in my book! Hang in there and try not to get too upset about things you cannot control. But I am sorry, that does suck!
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